Trade Chat

If you've played WoW past Lv5 or you're a gold seller, you more than likely know what Trade Chat is and how painful it can be depending on which side you are on.

If you're on the side that has "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls on macros so you can press 4 buttons and have the entire song go out in 3 seconds, it's not so bad.

If you're on the side that to see the macros for "I Touch Myself" at least once a day, it can get pretty bad. Putting me on ignore doesn't help either. I've got two accounts and making a new alt gives me a chance to troll people who have previously ignored me.

Now before you think that "I Touch Myself" isn't anything amazing, I've also been known to do Ghostbusters, Like A Boss, a variety of NSYNC and Backstreet Boys songs, Miss Lady GaGa, Beyoncé and have even been known to dabble with Fraggle Rock and Bananas In Pajamas (whom, by the way, are coming down the stairs.)

My Trade trolling extends beyond simple macros with copypasted lyrics. There's the obvious Chuck Norris and anal jokes. Now for those playing at home who don't know either, let me explain.

Chuck Norris aka Walker Texas Ranger has a penchant for placing his foot in a persons' face or other bodily area via a roundhouse kick. No one walks away from this. Most typically fly. Others glide a short distance until stopped abruptly by a wall or other solid object. Knowing this, you can now see how menacing Mr. Norris truly is.

Don't believe me?

Armed with websites like this, I am suitably armed for Trade Chat.

As for the anal jokes, it's simple. Surprisingly, there ARE a few realms that were safe from the anal spam.

Until I heard about it and made characters on them and started it.

Follow me in these few easy steps to troll Trade with the anus.

1. Type /2 ANAL.
2. Link an item, ability, spell, mount, pet, achievement, etc.
3. Press enter.
4. Repeat Steps 1 through 3.

One of the best things about trolling Trade Chat (and the WoW community in general) is the general lack of intelligence and the surplus of idiots who think they're intelligent. Don't believe me?

/2 6 - 6 * 6 = - 30

I've gotten replies that I'm wrong, people argue back that I'm right. I've had idiots ask why I'm doing math with a star and when I explain it's to signify multiplication they call me stupid and say to multiply you use an x. If you want to stir things up with the few smart people, replace the - 30 with any number that could be reasonable if the rules of math didn't exist. Now you get to watch the smart people nerdrage because you're dumb and watch the idiots call out the smart people for being wrong.

Eventually, people forget what they're arguing about and just begin to question each others' sexuality and then you swoop in and report them.

The great thing is, you can say pretty much anything you want. The following story only amounted to a 3 hour ban and it wasn't because of anything I said - it was because I named the alt Pedohbear.

You know those mommy types that play? We had one in the guild I was in. She was irritating as hell. The GM's older sister. Two kids. Showed up to one raid a week, typically late and never stayed til the end and cried (no really - she cried one night she didn't get something) when she wasn't the first one to get loot when it dropped for the first time. Oh and I did mention she couldn't heal if someone had a shotgun to her daughter's tits ready to pull the trigger?

To say that I wrote a couple well written erotic paragraphs about how I would defile her and her daughter would be an insult to the novella of awesome I presented. It was graphic, yet classy. Stylish, yet bordering on a snuff film (if it were a film.) I did things to her in what I wrote that 4chan would have called horrible. One of the best parts was easily Trade Chat eating it up. I couldn't type fast enough.

Some new ones I've recently started using are the next two:

- How come Arthas' mount is called Invincible if I can see it?
- How come when I use Invisibility Potion I still take damage?

These work best played separately and work best when you argue that you are right and continue to ask.

There's a lot more, but if I post it all at once, I won't have any traffic and I seek attention like a stripper.

- The Troll