Recently, Blizzard implemented the random dungeon finder. Instead of playing with people from your own realm you see everyday and deal with everyday, you are grouped with other players from the same battlegroup as you. Chances are you will never see these people again.
What's that Blizzard? You want me to be an asshole?
OKAY!
Wait. I want to make sure I understand this. You have the anonymity of the internet and an avatar. Then you take us away from our regular population and put us with people we'll probably never see again. Oh and even better - they can't remove me from the group for 15 minutes and if they leave, they get a 15 minute debuff that prevents them from joining another group. This. Is. Awesome.
It's like drive by trolling! What can I possibly do to all these people to piss them off?
Oh right. I'll just wipe them.
Lots.
Pull six trash packs. Drop group.
Get naked and pull all the Watchers in Heroic Azjol-Nerub. Hell, I don't care if I end up with an 11G repair bill. I just like getting naked so they can see the incoming wipe.
Utgarde Pinnacle is quite possibly the best. The second boss is started by clicking a pedestal but it's also a boss you can skip (sidenote: you can also skip the first boss and people HATE skipping bosses. But hey, I'm a tank, what can they do? If they pull extra shit I just let them die.) so I just tell everyone we're skipping it and to run up to the Skadi gauntlet. When they're all up there, I click the pedestal and run to catch up. By the time Skadi jumps off his drake, one of the adds is inbound and the reactions are usually worth the time spent.
And then the pugs die.
Last night I had a bet with a guild member that I could wipe my group before they wiped their's and wipe it more creatively than MDing a healer. I was disappointed as I queued for a random and saw the Violet Hold loading screen. It's pretty much wipe proof. Then I got the idea. I quickly ran to the starting NPC, waited for people to get past the doorway and started it. Just as the door closed I jumped behind it. The first portal spawned a single mob, they kill it easily enough and someone is bitching that I didn't hold aggro.
How do they not notice I'm not there? Oh well. I guess they deserve the repair bill.
Second portal spawns one mob but this time, one of the DPS dies. Third portal, 3 mobs. I'm calling it out in guild chat.
[G] [The Troll]: DK dead.
[G] [The Troll]: One left group.
[G] [Guild]: lolz
[G] [The Troll]: Healer dead.
[G] [The Troll]: Last DPS dead. Wipe.
[G] [The Troll]: Did I win?
- The Troll
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Trade Chat
If you've played WoW past Lv5 or you're a gold seller, you more than likely know what Trade Chat is and how painful it can be depending on which side you are on.
If you're on the side that has "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls on macros so you can press 4 buttons and have the entire song go out in 3 seconds, it's not so bad.
If you're on the side that to see the macros for "I Touch Myself" at least once a day, it can get pretty bad. Putting me on ignore doesn't help either. I've got two accounts and making a new alt gives me a chance to troll people who have previously ignored me.
Now before you think that "I Touch Myself" isn't anything amazing, I've also been known to do Ghostbusters, Like A Boss, a variety of NSYNC and Backstreet Boys songs, Miss Lady GaGa, Beyoncé and have even been known to dabble with Fraggle Rock and Bananas In Pajamas (whom, by the way, are coming down the stairs.)
My Trade trolling extends beyond simple macros with copypasted lyrics. There's the obvious Chuck Norris and anal jokes. Now for those playing at home who don't know either, let me explain.
Chuck Norris aka Walker Texas Ranger has a penchant for placing his foot in a persons' face or other bodily area via a roundhouse kick. No one walks away from this. Most typically fly. Others glide a short distance until stopped abruptly by a wall or other solid object. Knowing this, you can now see how menacing Mr. Norris truly is.
Don't believe me?
Armed with websites like this, I am suitably armed for Trade Chat.
As for the anal jokes, it's simple. Surprisingly, there ARE a few realms that were safe from the anal spam.
Until I heard about it and made characters on them and started it.
Follow me in these few easy steps to troll Trade with the anus.
1. Type /2 ANAL.
2. Link an item, ability, spell, mount, pet, achievement, etc.
3. Press enter.
4. Repeat Steps 1 through 3.
One of the best things about trolling Trade Chat (and the WoW community in general) is the general lack of intelligence and the surplus of idiots who think they're intelligent. Don't believe me?
/2 6 - 6 * 6 = - 30
I've gotten replies that I'm wrong, people argue back that I'm right. I've had idiots ask why I'm doing math with a star and when I explain it's to signify multiplication they call me stupid and say to multiply you use an x. If you want to stir things up with the few smart people, replace the - 30 with any number that could be reasonable if the rules of math didn't exist. Now you get to watch the smart people nerdrage because you're dumb and watch the idiots call out the smart people for being wrong.
Eventually, people forget what they're arguing about and just begin to question each others' sexuality and then you swoop in and report them.
The great thing is, you can say pretty much anything you want. The following story only amounted to a 3 hour ban and it wasn't because of anything I said - it was because I named the alt Pedohbear.
You know those mommy types that play? We had one in the guild I was in. She was irritating as hell. The GM's older sister. Two kids. Showed up to one raid a week, typically late and never stayed til the end and cried (no really - she cried one night she didn't get something) when she wasn't the first one to get loot when it dropped for the first time. Oh and I did mention she couldn't heal if someone had a shotgun to her daughter's tits ready to pull the trigger?
To say that I wrote a couple well written erotic paragraphs about how I would defile her and her daughter would be an insult to the novella of awesome I presented. It was graphic, yet classy. Stylish, yet bordering on a snuff film (if it were a film.) I did things to her in what I wrote that 4chan would have called horrible. One of the best parts was easily Trade Chat eating it up. I couldn't type fast enough.
Some new ones I've recently started using are the next two:
- How come Arthas' mount is called Invincible if I can see it?
- How come when I use Invisibility Potion I still take damage?
These work best played separately and work best when you argue that you are right and continue to ask.
There's a lot more, but if I post it all at once, I won't have any traffic and I seek attention like a stripper.
- The Troll
If you're on the side that has "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls on macros so you can press 4 buttons and have the entire song go out in 3 seconds, it's not so bad.
If you're on the side that to see the macros for "I Touch Myself" at least once a day, it can get pretty bad. Putting me on ignore doesn't help either. I've got two accounts and making a new alt gives me a chance to troll people who have previously ignored me.
Now before you think that "I Touch Myself" isn't anything amazing, I've also been known to do Ghostbusters, Like A Boss, a variety of NSYNC and Backstreet Boys songs, Miss Lady GaGa, Beyoncé and have even been known to dabble with Fraggle Rock and Bananas In Pajamas (whom, by the way, are coming down the stairs.)
My Trade trolling extends beyond simple macros with copypasted lyrics. There's the obvious Chuck Norris and anal jokes. Now for those playing at home who don't know either, let me explain.
Chuck Norris aka Walker Texas Ranger has a penchant for placing his foot in a persons' face or other bodily area via a roundhouse kick. No one walks away from this. Most typically fly. Others glide a short distance until stopped abruptly by a wall or other solid object. Knowing this, you can now see how menacing Mr. Norris truly is.
Don't believe me?
Armed with websites like this, I am suitably armed for Trade Chat.
As for the anal jokes, it's simple. Surprisingly, there ARE a few realms that were safe from the anal spam.
Until I heard about it and made characters on them and started it.
Follow me in these few easy steps to troll Trade with the anus.
1. Type /2 ANAL.
2. Link an item, ability, spell, mount, pet, achievement, etc.
3. Press enter.
4. Repeat Steps 1 through 3.
One of the best things about trolling Trade Chat (and the WoW community in general) is the general lack of intelligence and the surplus of idiots who think they're intelligent. Don't believe me?
/2 6 - 6 * 6 = - 30
I've gotten replies that I'm wrong, people argue back that I'm right. I've had idiots ask why I'm doing math with a star and when I explain it's to signify multiplication they call me stupid and say to multiply you use an x. If you want to stir things up with the few smart people, replace the - 30 with any number that could be reasonable if the rules of math didn't exist. Now you get to watch the smart people nerdrage because you're dumb and watch the idiots call out the smart people for being wrong.
Eventually, people forget what they're arguing about and just begin to question each others' sexuality and then you swoop in and report them.
The great thing is, you can say pretty much anything you want. The following story only amounted to a 3 hour ban and it wasn't because of anything I said - it was because I named the alt Pedohbear.
You know those mommy types that play? We had one in the guild I was in. She was irritating as hell. The GM's older sister. Two kids. Showed up to one raid a week, typically late and never stayed til the end and cried (no really - she cried one night she didn't get something) when she wasn't the first one to get loot when it dropped for the first time. Oh and I did mention she couldn't heal if someone had a shotgun to her daughter's tits ready to pull the trigger?
To say that I wrote a couple well written erotic paragraphs about how I would defile her and her daughter would be an insult to the novella of awesome I presented. It was graphic, yet classy. Stylish, yet bordering on a snuff film (if it were a film.) I did things to her in what I wrote that 4chan would have called horrible. One of the best parts was easily Trade Chat eating it up. I couldn't type fast enough.
Some new ones I've recently started using are the next two:
- How come Arthas' mount is called Invincible if I can see it?
- How come when I use Invisibility Potion I still take damage?
These work best played separately and work best when you argue that you are right and continue to ask.
There's a lot more, but if I post it all at once, I won't have any traffic and I seek attention like a stripper.
- The Troll
First!
I've always been a fan of reading and writing. More importantly, I've always been a fan of trolling people, even before I knew what trolling was. It was inevitable that one day, the two would come together and I would find it in the form of the internet. 10 seconds later, I jumped in and did it too. I spent my time on GameFAQs, /b/ and numerous other forums, message and image boards, chat rooms and Ventrilo servers. When I found out XBox Live had voice chat, I pretty much creamed myself as I thought of all the amazing things I could do with a headset and people who either had to listen to me to play or be forced to do something else.
Some people call me an asshole, I'm just having fun.
Being an asshole.
A few years ago, I started playing World of Warcraft. (Because not only am I an asshole, I'm a nerdy asshole.) As I realized how seriously people took this game (and truth be told, I've taken it seriously at times too) I could only guess at all the fun I could I have.
Some of my stories range from bored-asshattery to epic trolls. I've wiped groups, I've ninja'd, I've talked a gold seller into sending me pictures of (presumably) his wife promising him I would purchase gold and I've textually raped a female gold seller. I've made a guy fall in love with a fake girl. He ordered me pizza and had it sent to my house. Want to guess how this story ends? I'll post it eventually.
- The Troll
Some people call me an asshole, I'm just having fun.
Being an asshole.
A few years ago, I started playing World of Warcraft. (Because not only am I an asshole, I'm a nerdy asshole.) As I realized how seriously people took this game (and truth be told, I've taken it seriously at times too) I could only guess at all the fun I could I have.
Some of my stories range from bored-asshattery to epic trolls. I've wiped groups, I've ninja'd, I've talked a gold seller into sending me pictures of (presumably) his wife promising him I would purchase gold and I've textually raped a female gold seller. I've made a guy fall in love with a fake girl. He ordered me pizza and had it sent to my house. Want to guess how this story ends? I'll post it eventually.
- The Troll
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